


stay with me (until i fall asleep)

by starsalign



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Angst, Fluff and Angst, Homophobic Language, M/M, Meet-Cute, Songfic, mostly - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:34:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25073185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starsalign/pseuds/starsalign
Summary: Richie was always there for Eddie. He was there for his panic attacks on the subway. He was there after Eddie broke his arm, tripping down the stairs in a lecture hall. He was there when his mom died. Always there to remind Eddie that he was brave and strong and to kiss it all better.Eddie only wishes that everything could be solved with a kiss.inspired by "Kiss it Better" by He is We
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 7
Kudos: 13





	stay with me (until i fall asleep)

**Author's Note:**

> hi so this took much longer than it should've for something short but i love this song and thought it would make a good story
> 
> tw: homophobic language, mugging, firearm use, mcd

Things are always worse at night. The absence of light makes the vacant space seem emptier. There is no clock, so he can never be certain about the time. The distraction of the day’s work fades away, and all he can do is try, and ultimately fail, to sleep. But the worst thing about the night is the quiet. His life had always been so full of sound; it makes the silence _deafening_.

Eddie tosses and turns, finding the squeaking of the mattress springs and the shuffling of sheets oddly comforting. He yanks his thin, wool blanket over his head and buries his face in his pillow, relishing in the rough material engulfing him.

He should really sleep, he knows that. The monotonous cycle of his new life is honestly draining, and he needs every bit of energy he can get. But Eddie also knows that only one thing comes with closing his eyes, and it’s never the reprieve that he wants, that he _needs_ , so desperately.

But eventually, Eddie can’t be bothered to fight his heavy eyelids. He tries to convince himself that maybe this time he’ll be able to fall asleep before his thoughts can flood with those images, but he knows he’s lying.

So Eddie closes his eyes, and of course, does the one thing he tries to avoid every night. He remembers.

***

“Okay, I’m ninety-six percent sure that _this_ is the right path.” Eddie squinted at the tiny map on his phone, trying to gauge which direction the stupid blinking dot moved when he took a step.

“Fuck Eds, my dick is literally gonna freeze and fall off if we’re out here any longer. Or tuck itself back in my body and never come back again.”

Eddie snorted and deadpanned, “Tragic,” without even turning his attention from his phone. Richie never dressed warm enough, proclaiming, “ _Don’t worry about me Spaghetti, I run hot.”_ Even in December in New York, Richie had decided to wear a windbreaker that clearly was _not_ breaking any wind and didn’t even wear fucking gloves.

Richie wrapped his arms around Eddie from the back, slipping his hands under Eddie’s sweater, settling them on his stomach. Eddie shivered from the cold sensation of his palms, feeling Richie’s breath hot on his neck as he whispered, “Don’t act like you wouldn’t miss my cock, _baby_.”

“Rich…,” Eddie huffed in annoyance. He had spent way too long planning this day, and he was _not_ going to let Richie trick him into going back to the hotel. They were so _close_ to that fucking bench, and he wasn’t planning on giving up now.

Five years ago, Eddie would have been able to find that bench, no problem. But after five years in LA, he didn’t know his way around Central Park anymore.

Nine years ago, on this exact day, Eddie had met Richie on that bench. He had finally escaped the clutches of his mother, accepting a full scholarship to NYU and never looking back. As soon as he got to New York, he created a list of things that his mom never let him do, and he planned to do all of them during his first semester of college. One of the final things on that list was to go ice skating.

His finals were fairly late, and all of his few friends had already left for winter break, so he found himself alone. On a bench. Watching families and couples laughing on the ice of Wollman Rink and trying to find the courage to rent a pair of skates.

After sitting there for about an hour, he was prepared to give up. It felt wrong to go alone. But as he was planning to leave, someone plopped themself next to him on the bench, startling him.

“Come here often?”

Eddie remembered looking up and being mesmerized by the person’s eyes. They were a striking blue that seemed to contrast his pale skin and the dark ringlets framing his face so perfectly. His eyes were magnified by thick frames resting on his nose. Freckles dusted his high cheek bones, a slight blush from the cold. And god, his lips. Even though he could see that the boy’s lips were chapped, they were so pink. He bet they felt soft.

He didn’t even realize he was staring until he heard the other man cough. _Shit._ Eddie stumbled on his words, trying to be charming, but coming across a lot harsher than intended, “That’s… awful. Does that usually work on strangers in Central Park?”

The boy chuckled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “Couldn’t tell ya, that line is reserved for boys that are too cute to have been sitting outside, alone for an hour. Get stood up or something?”

Eddie felt his face flush. _He’d been… watching him?_ “Are you always this forward with people you’ve just met?”

“Are you going to keep answering my questions with more questions?”

Eddie let out a startled noise. “No?”

The boy grinned back at him, extending a hand. “Richie.”

“Eddie.”

“So Eds, ever gonna tell me why you’ve been waiting outside an ice skating rink for an hour?”

“Why do you know I’ve been here that long?” Eddie challenged.

“I guess we’re still going with questions.” Richie said, stifling a laugh. “My friend actually works there. I was done with finals, so thought I could keep her company.”

“Oh.”

“ _Now_ will you tell me? I’m dying to know.” Richie declared dramatically, grasping Eddie’s forearm and shaking him around a bit.

Eddie couldn’t help but laugh, bashfully. “I’m uhh… I’ve never been ice skating before…”

Richie’s eyes widened. “Well shit! You should’ve just said something. Andale Eduardo!” He stood up abruptly, willing Eddie to do the same. “I’ll even hold your hand,” he said with a wink.

And sure, Eddie fell on his ass five minutes into skating. And he _definitely_ didn’t internally combust when Richie took his hands, kissing his palms. _“I’ll kiss it better for you, Eds.” “Richie! That’s fucking disgusting.”_ Richie yanked him up, helping him dust off, and they kept skating. Richie didn’t freak out about Eddie getting hurt or the germs, but it was clear that he cared, nonetheless. It’s one of Eddie’s favorite memories.

It didn’t take long for them to start dating. And it didn’t take long for Eddie to realize that Richie was the best thing to ever happen to him. Richie was there for his panic attacks on the subway. He was there after Eddie broke his arm, tripping down the stairs in a lecture hall. He was there when his mom died. Always there to remind Eddie that he was brave and strong and to kiss it all better.

Eddie had gotten into a medical school in LA, and Richie was hoping to break into the comedy scene, so it only made sense that they should move. They packed up their lives in New York and headed west, never looking back.

Until now. Five years later, Eddie insisted that they take this trip to New York. “ _For old times sake, come on Rich.”_ He fiddled with the small box in his pocket.

But, Eddie was an _idiot_ and decided to enter the park by the Met, much further from the rink than he initially realized.

Eventually, after an hour of walking and dragging along a whining Richie, Eddie’s eyes landed on Wollman Rink, in all it’s glory. His elation forced a wide smile onto his face as his eyes scanned for the bench.

Eddie was buzzing, using all his willpower to refrain from jumping up and down and screaming. Luckily, Richie was pliant, albeit very confused, as Eddie shoved him onto the bench and took a seat beside him.

They sat there for a few minutes in silence. Eddie’s heart was pounding in his chest. He reached a trembling hand into his pocket and gripped the box one final time before turning towards Richie, eyes filled to the brim with love. He let out an audible sigh and said with a smile, “Come here often?”

Richie looked back at him, puzzled, for a second, before tilting his head back and letting out a loud laugh. “Fuck, Eds! It’s really been, what, nine years now?”

Eddie giggled, unable to control his excitement. “That’s not the line, idiot.”

“Shit… alright, what was it that you said to me? ‘That’s stupid. Does that shit ever work on anyone?’”

Richie looked back at Eddie expectantly, and Eddie couldn’t help but learn toward the love of his life, placing a chaste kiss on his chapped, yet soft lips. He pulled away slightly, their lips merely inches apart; so close he could feel Richie’s warm breath against his cheeks. “Something like that.”

Finally, _finally_ , Eddie pulled out the box, gripping it tight in his hand. He saw Richie’s eyes widen but didn’t give him the chance to speak.

“Rich… before I met you, I was just some scared kid. I mean, you know the kinda shit that happened with my mom.”

Richie nodded, knowingly, but remained silent, waiting.

“But that day, on the ice, you made me feel stronger than I have ever felt. You’re always there for me, yet you never smother me or try to control me… you’re just there. And that’s honestly something I never knew I needed.”

Eddie got up from the bench, falling to a knee in front of Richie, taking hold of his ungloved hand. He squeezed, offering what warmth he could and looked into his lover’s eyes, watching his tears threatening to fall.

“You make me brave. Brave enough to apply to med school, brave enough to pursue a surgery residency.” He popped open the box with his other hand, the silver band sparkling as the sun began to set. “Brave enough to do this.”

Richie choked out a sob, raising his other hand to cover his mouth.

“That day we met, I apparently could only speak in questions. And now, I have one more for you. Richie Tozier, will you marry—”

“Yes! Fuck… of course, yes!” Richie blurted out.

Eddie couldn’t control his giggles. Richie… in all his Richie-ness, just made him so fucking happy. There was no way to put that into words. “Let me finish asshole. Will you—”

Richie let out a wet laugh, “Yes, yes, yes!”

“—marry me?”

“Yes,” he said softly, with determination, one final time.

Giving into the joy, Eddie let the tears that had been brimming since he started talking spill over, quickly slipping the ring onto Richie’s finger and surging up to press their lips together. Richie wrapped an arm around Eddie’s waist, hoisting him up and setting him down beside him on the bench. Eddie let out a startled sound, tangling his fingers in Richie’s curls and deepening the kiss.

It was perfect; more perfect than Eddie could have imagined. He was officially _engaged._ Richie was his _fiancé_. In all his years of life, he never thought he would be this happy. God, he was so glad that he was wrong.

After what seemed like hours, Eddie pulled back, detaching their lips and sucking in a deep breath of air. He smiled fondly, looking into Richie’s very blue eyes, still as magnificent as the day they met. “I love you,” he finally said.

And they sat on that bench, reminiscing about their college days, making plans to tell their friends the great news. They talked about everything and nothing, and before they knew it, the sun had disappeared beyond the horizon, a cloud of darkness settling around them, lit only by a few lamp posts.

“We should head back to the hotel,” Eddie said, taking in the unusual emptiness of the park.

“Gosh Eddie Spaghetti, if you wanted to get me into bed, you could’ve just asked!”

“Come on asshole, the dark is starting the creep me out,” Eddie murmured, standing up and stretching his arms above his head.

Richie followed suit, wrapping his arms around Eddie and lightly rubbing their noses together. “Have no fear, Eddie my dear, I’ll protect you.”

Giggling softly, Eddie pulled back from Richie, lacing their fingers together and preparing to walk towards the nearest street and call an Uber. He knew that it was going to be a _long_ night, but hey, he just got engaged, who could blame him.

His thoughts were interrupted by the sounds of footsteps, crunching across the icy walkway.

“Well isn’t that so sweet, a couple of faggots in my park.”

They both whipped their heads towards the voice, finding a stocky man, dressed in a loose, black zip-up and baggy sweats. He had a black beanie barely on his head, and his boots continued to crunch with every step.

“Last I heard, Central Park was public property,” Richie retorted. Eddie knew that he could be an idiot sometimes, but fuck.

“Look,” Eddie said cautiously, “We don’t want any trouble, we were just leaving.”

The man kept getting closer, and Eddie felt his breath becoming ragged, his heart rate elevating. His palms were sweaty under his gloves as he balled his hands into fists.

“Sure you can leave, just hand over your wallets.”

Eddie instinctively reached for his back pocket, but Richie took a step forward, reaching his left arm protectively over Eddie. “Fuck off man.”

“Richie!”

The man chuckled darkly, unzipping his hoodie. He pulled out a gun and pointed it directly at Richie, and Eddie felt his heart stop. _Holy fuck, this guy’s going to shoot Richie, he’s going to kill Richie, he’s going to kill me, fuck, fuck, fuck._

“Wallets. Don’t make me ask again.”

Fumbling for his wallet in a panic, Eddie accidentally jostled his coat pocket, causing the now empty ring box to fall from his pocket. The sound of it hitting the ground was deafening.

The mugger stared at the box on the ground, interest piqued. His eyes looked up drifting between the two men in front of him, pistol still raised. Richie shifted slightly, causing the light from a nearby lamp post to reflect off his new ring.

“Oh? I see some congratulations are in order. I still can’t believe they let _fags_ get married, unnatural if you ask me. So why don’t you hand over the ring, and we’ll call it a night.”

Richie yanked his hand back, cradling his left fist against his chest. He remained silent.

Eddie couldn’t stop his body from shaking. He turned his eyes towards Richie and said, trying his best not to stutter, “Give it to him.”

“Eds…”

“Richie, give it to him!” he shouted. His stern tone of voice almost disguised the fact that he was radiating fear. He couldn’t hide it. He was so fucking _scared._

“No! We can’t let some fucking douchebag push us around like this! I’m going to call the cops.”

The man’s eyes darkened. “You do that, and I shoot,” he said stiffly, shifting his gun to point at Eddie.

“Richie…,” Eddie pleaded, staring down the barrel and feeling the tears pour down his face, “give him… the fucking ring.”

Richie hesitantly reached towards his left hand, letting out a barely audible sob as he removed the ring. He tossed the band of metal, and it hit the ground with a sharp _clink_ , spinning and wobbling before finally tipping over, motionless at the foot of the mugger.

Eddie squinted his eyes shut, closed so tight it hurt, so overwhelmed with fear, he couldn’t bear to look at the scene. He must have missed a slight shift in the mugger’s actions, as he suddenly felt the weight of a person shoving him to the side and heard the sound of a gunshot ringing in his ears.

He heard something clutter to the ground, and his eyes flew open. The first thing he saw was a body on the ground. The second thing he saw was the man kneeling, fumbling to pick up the ring quickly with his gloved hands.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl. He couldn’t move, he couldn’t think. He just took in his surroundings, realization hitting him like a truck, “ _Richie!_ ”

Eddie fell to the ground, grasping for his fiancé where he laid, clutching his gut. God there was so much blood, _why was there so much blood!_

Richie’s entire body was shaking, and he let out a breathless, “Eds…”

Eddie heard someone screaming. Maybe it was him. He was still in shock, his senses weren’t working right, he couldn’t tell what was real anymore.

“Rich, oh my god Rich, fuck. Okay, I need to call 911, you need fucking help, fuck,” Eddie muttered hurriedly, feeling himself heave as the words left his mouth.

It was then that Eddie noticed something in his periphery. The gun. At the foot of the mugger who stood frozen, staring at the scene. Eddie looked up and saw the stunned look in his eyes. Not fully aware of what he was doing, Eddie lunged and stretched a shaky hand towards it. He choked on a sob as he picked it up.

The man began to back up slowly, turning and hastening his steps. The firearm felt heavy in Eddie’s palm. He had never touched one before, or ever imagined he would.

Before Eddie could realize what he was doing, he raised his trembling arms, struggling to keep the gun in his hands steady. He pointed it at the back of the man, who wasn’t even fucking running from the scene.

He pulled the trigger.

The gunshot echoed as the man fell to the ground, pulling Eddie back into reality.

He yanked the gloves of his hand and fumbled for his phone, instinctively dialing 911.

Eddie doesn’t remember much of the conversation he had with the operator. He was a sobbing mess, barely getting out the words, “Fiancé shot, Wollman Rink.”

Letting the phone drop the ground, Eddie turned back to the love of his life, removing his coat and pressing it to the wound on Richie’s stomach.

“I… I called 911, someone will be here soon, okay Rich? Everything… everything is going to be…”

Eddie couldn’t bear to finish the sentence. Because he _didn’t_ know if everything would be fine. But Richie was still here, still breathing, and all he could do was pray to whatever fucking God was out there that he would stay that way.

“Eds,” Richie coughed out, fear flooding his emotions. “I’m… I’m not ready to go.”

Eddie tried unsuccessfully to suppress the panic that was rising in him. He reached a hand to cradle Richie’s cheek. “Fuck, Rich, you’re not going alright? You’re going to be alright.”

Richie felt cold, and he somehow was even paler than normal. His eyelids were fluttering, fighting to stay open. “I love you Eddie, I need… I need you to know that.”

Eddie’s sobs grew louder as he clutched Richie’s body against his. “I’m so, I’m so sorry Rich, fuck, fuck, you can’t go.”

Richie forced a small smile onto his face. “Hey, it’s not your fault okay? It’s… fuck, it’s mine. For not being able to shut my God damn mouth.”

“I can’t do this without you, fuck, you can’t go, you can’t. I love you so fucking much. If you die… Rich, I can’t _live_ without you.”

“You’re stronger than… than you think Eds,” Richie said shakily, the intensity of his voice wavering.

“Come on Rich, stay with me,” Eddie begged, tightening his hold on Richie. “Someone’s gonna be here soon, okay?”

“Eddie… I need…”

“Yeah, Richie?”

Richie’s eyes were barely open as he tried to tilt his face towards Eddie. “Can you… kiss me? One last… last kiss.”

“Fuck Richie, don’t say shit like that. You’re not dying! Fuck, you _can’t_.”

“Please…” Richie said desperately, voice straining. “It hurts, _please_.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going to… kiss it all better, so you can’t die on me, asshole.”

Richie let out a soft chuckle, wincing. “There’s my Eds.”

Eddie leaned down and his pressed his lips against Richie’s. Sweet, yet passionate. He didn’t let himself think that this may be the last kiss he will ever share with Richie. That this may be the last time he’ll ever hold the love of his life in his arms. The last time he’ll see his blue eyes, listen to his stupid jokes, hear his perfect laugh.

Instead, he put all his emotions into the kiss. All his fear and worry. All the love he had in him to give. Every panic attack, every kiss, every I love you.

Finally, he pulled back, hearing an approaching ambulance. “Rich! They’re almost here, fuck, you’re going to be fine.”

He got no response.

Richie’s eyes were half open, but his body was no longer shaking. He laid limp in Eddie's arms.

“Rich?”

The sound of the ambulance was so loud now, it must have been close by. He could faintly hear a barrage of footsteps approaching them.

But all he really heard was the absence of Richie’s voice.

“ _Richie!_ ”

He felt a hand on his shoulder and screamed as someone pulled him away from Richie’s body. He screamed and screamed until his voice was raw. He screamed until no sound escaped his throat, and he was left with silence.

***

It's all fresh in Eddie’s mind, even though it was almost a year ago. He doesn’t think that the memory will ever fade. He knows that he will spend the rest of his life coming to terms with the fact that Richie was gone.

And he will spend the next fifteen years, reliving that day, over and over and over again. Fifteen years in a cold cell, and for what? A bullet in the back of the man who tore his world apart.

Eddie curls himself tighter, clutching his knees to his chest. He doesn’t open his eyes. Instead he imagines Richie, there beside him. To hold him, to keep him safe, to kiss it all better.

He wills himself to sleep, thinking of Richie. _Stay with me_ , he pleads. _Stay with me until I fall asleep._

**Author's Note:**

> sorry this is so sad! i almost cried while writing it soooo  
> but thank you for reading! i appreciate any feedback, kudos, comments


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